So yet again I’m sat here wide awake at 2.50am. I’m tired, I’m always soooo tired, but that doesn’t mean my FASD brain is going to say ‘oh we’re tired now Lee, let’s get some sleep before our busy day tomorrow. 

Nooooo, of course its not, MY brain is saying ‘oh your tired, your body aches with tiredness, your so tired of being tired you want to cry, and that melatonin isnt going to work tonight, oh what about this idea, or what about if we did that, yes and we must do it right now because our cognitive impairments won’t let us remember if we go to sleep, so we HAVE to do it right now’

Going through this most nights, is not fun, especially when its been going on for so long that you can no longer remember when you actually woke up feeling like you got some rest, I am always tired, and should that moment come when I feel I could actually sleep it is always at a time when it isn’t possible, when I’m out, or on the bus, and my brain tells me ‘oh we’ll get an early night tonight’ then to get home and finally settle, my brain says ‘oh I was only joking about getting an early night, its not really going to happen’ 

So I end up being awake at 3am, like right now, feeling like I’m on autopilot writing this blog, my body hurts, legs, head, eyes, but my brain has yet again told me to write a blog right now, because I will forget what I want to say, so now I’m sitting here, phone in hand typing away with whatever word comes next, my eyes are blurring, and I’m not actually reading what I’m writing, my brain is in control of my thumb and that’s about it. 

This constant tired, restlessness is exhausting and draining, I’ve tried many Technics but not found one that helps now I’m an adult, apart from melatonin, but that only keeps me assleep once I’ve actually gotten to sleep in the first place. As a child music would help me sleep, but now it keeps me awake. 

We are always so tired. 

I think my brain is satisfied we have written this blog now, Time to try and get sleep, not rest, just sleep. 
Lee Harvey-Heath

FASD Through My Eyes UK

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